Excerpts from a book I'll never write

It’s taken awhile for this blog post to come together, and I wish I could say that’s because I’ve been out living my life and since surgery I’ve had this amazing burst of energy and I just haven’t had the time, but that’s not really true. Surgery was hard, it was painful, and the recovery took everything out of me. Just as last time I was admitted into hospital the night before, I had to have blood tests done, a chest x-ray to make sure my lungs and heart were all looking good, and an ECG to check that my heart was actually functionally well. Thankfully everything was perfect. My surgeon came and saw me, and he made some last minute changes to the plan. Originally he was just going to go in and widen the posterior fossa and take some more of my C1 vertebra out, and leave the dura patch that had been put in during the first surgery alone. But now he wanted to replace that patch with some of my own dura matar from another section of the membrane (the original patch was synthetic), which

You know that feeling when you know something’s going to happen and you feel helpless to stop it? When you see the car trying to break but it’s inevitably going to crash, the plate falling off the counter but you’re just a little bit too far to catch it, or when someone trips over their feet a split second before you were about to warn them of the uneven ground. It always happens in slow motion and there’s always that sinking feeling in your stomach, like a lead weight. Leading up to my most recent neurosurgeons appointment that lead weight followed me around constantly. The main issue with chiari is that because part of the brain is coming out of your skull it prevents the cerebrospinal spinal fluid (CSF) from flowing correctly between your brain and spinal cord, and this can cause headaches, especially when sneezing, coughing, or laughing as these all raise CSF pressure and because of the blockage it can’t equalise properly, difficulty swallowing is an issue, pain in the neck ar