365 days.

It’s the beginning of a New Year, and most will be using the phrase “New Year, new me!” I don’t fall into that category. In the past year so much has changed that I just want the old Jordan back, the Jordan who could dive without worry, the Jordan who had endless amounts of energy and that never seemed to slow down. I want the person who I was, not a new one. But, as the great Mick Jagger says, ‘you can’t always get what you want’, and so, I’ve learnt to adapt to what I’ve been given.

This time last year I was with a group of friends down the coast, having one of the best times ever. We swam, we laughed, and we stayed up till all hours of the morning just so we could see the starry sky that you can only get on a cloudless night. We were 18 year olds who had just finished school and were relishing in the freedom. Now, all but one has finished a year of uni and are getting ready to start a second. And then there’s me; I didn’t go to uni, I wanted to take a year off to not have the stress of moving countries or brain surgery, I wanted to make sure that if I did go to uni that I would be certain with what I was doing. I also wanted to make sure that my health wouldn’t get in the way of whatever I was doing, but unfortunately, it’s gone nothing but down hill.

It’s a confronting reality, when at 18 you’re meant to have your whole life ahead of you, but instead it’s filled with doctor’s appointments. Granted, there were a few months of freedom, but I never quite bounced back from brain surgery so I never truly acted my age. Six months into the year was when things really changed, and those last six months have gone by in a blur. I traveled with my mother, but also sat in countless waiting rooms just to find out test results. We got a new kitten, but I also got a new specialist. I shouldn’t be surprised with this past year, considering the whirlwind my life has been, but when I take a step back and look at what my daily life has become, I get a little shell shocked. Everyday I have to be careful to not over do it, because the backlash would be too harsh. There are two rounds of meds, one in the morning, which consists of 3 pills; the evening meds contain 5 pills. A total of 8 pills, 4 different prescription medications.

It’s not just my health that has changed; I’ve lost friends, in both the literal and figurative sense. I’ve had my eyes opened to the world around me, traveling gives you an amazing perspective on things you’d otherwise be blind too. I’ve read countless books, and my love of reading has nowhere near diminished. I’ve been thrown curve ball after curve ball, and managed to hit them out of the park. This past year has taught me many things, the biggest; some things are out of your control, you just have to live with the consequences.

I’m not sure what this year will hold for me, but no one really does. All I can hope for is that there are more healthy days, than there are days in bed. I’m currently going through the process of seeing if there is an underlying condition that we don’t know about, or if all of my health issues are really just because my brain is falling out of my skull. It all seems like a big mystery, but hopefully we can figure out this puzzle that is my complex health.